now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
