my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
