I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
