He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
