Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
