If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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