Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
