I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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