I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
