I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
