he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
