STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
