i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he quoted the bible to break up with me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
