it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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