I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
