areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
