After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
