I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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