the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
