It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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