My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
