Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
