I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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