I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
