i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
