just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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