No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
