There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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