why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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