You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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