We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
