She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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