Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
even my farts smell like vagina
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
