Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
