My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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