other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
