Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
