I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
