I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
