Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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