Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
