Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pants are for mortals
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
