mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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