I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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