if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
