I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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