so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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