I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
