I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
