I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is wine microwaveable?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
